到底是什么双重标准？
And how do you know if your expectations of someone qualify as such?
尽管我们确实涵盖了其中的一些，但这不仅仅是男女之间的双重标准。
这里的主要问题是最常见的双重标准背后的心态。
It’s more about blind spots, which all of us have.
一旦您识别出双重标准的含义，您对此的工作就是定义您的。
Let’s start with an obvious question.
这篇文章是什么：
- What Is A Double Standard in Relationships?
- 是什么意思的人持有双重斯坦dard?
- What Type of Person Has Double Standards?
- 13个关系双重标准的示例
- 1。你想您的partner to be frugal while you continue to spend as you wish.
- 2.当您不这样做时，您希望伴侣清理自己的混乱。
- 3.您希望您的伴侣在批评他们的背后只说出关于您的好话。
- 4.您希望您的伴侣在打算打开选择时对您100％忠实。
- 5. You want your partner to be content with less than you insist on for yourself.
- 6. You want your partner to be chaste and modest while you take pleasure in mentally undressing those who are not.
- 7. You expect your partner to keep up with housework when you do the bare minimum (or less).
- 8.当您拒绝他们时，您希望您的伴侣尊重您。
- 9.您希望您的伴侣取消他们的计划，以支持您的计划，但您不回报。
- 10.您希望您的伴侣在几分钟之内对每个文本做出回应，而您倾向于花费更长的时间。
- 11.您希望您的伴侣在嫉妒自己的守护时没有界限。
- 12.您希望您的伴侣在其他人期待同样的情况下冒犯时会保持一定的外观。
- 13. You expect your partner to adopt your beliefs, while you would be outraged if they asked you to do the same.
- 如何在恋爱关系中处理双重标准
What Is A Double Standard in Relationships?
婚姻或其他婚姻的双重标准坚定的关系每当你们中的一个或两个都期望自己对自己不期望的伴侣时，就在场。
我们将在下面介绍示例，但是目前，我们将以这种方式总结情况：
- 双重标准的冒名顶替者在他们的期望中没有意识到（或发现故障）自己拒绝达到相同标准。
- The one imposed upon feels unfairly burdened with a standard they see their partner unwilling to meet but absurdly willing to impose on them.
您越早认识到双重标准并应对它们，您的关系就会康复并成为您俩想要的一切的机会。
是什么意思的人持有双重斯坦dard?
Holding someone to a double standard essentially means expecting something of them that you don’t expect of yourself or other people.
通常，双重标准与您的伴侣的性别或您的心理分配给他们的角色有关，或者没有他们的同意。
一旦您认识到它的含义的双重标准，不公平就变得明显了。不幸的是，许多人拒绝看到自己的双重标准，并坚持将他们强加给伴侣，就像不忠和虐待，最终破坏了关系。
What Type of Person Has Double Standards?
任何类型的人都能具有双重标准。对于那些不质疑长期以来的假设或思维习惯的人来说，这要容易得多。对于那些习惯于一切顺利并一直走的人来说，它也更容易出现。
That said, having double standards doesn’t make you or anyone else a自恋。
这可能只是意味着您不太自我意识或不太倾向于质疑您长大的信念和偏见。
The good news? You can learn to question them — and to do better.
13个关系双重标准的示例
随意使用以下任何双标准示例切换订单，因为您可能很容易在此行为的接收端。
请记住，两个人之间的关系也有可能具有双重标准，通常与每个伴侣的盲点有关。
Which ones sound most familiar to you?
1。你想您的partner to be frugal while you continue to spend as you wish.
您希望您的伴侣成为谨慎经济的典范。您甚至可能会质疑他们决定将钱花在自我保健项目上的决定。即使他们赚了他们花的钱，您也会就如何更明智地花费“有用的建议”。
但是如何敢于质疑您花费的权利您的钱来的钱？
2.当您不这样做时，您希望伴侣清理自己的混乱。
你may expect your partner to stay on top of their messes, but you’re constantly leaving dishes on the table, clothing on the floor, or dirty tissues scattered around the nearest wastebasket. You’re asking something of them that you clearly don’t expect of yourself.
3.您希望您的伴侣在批评他们的背后只说出关于您的好话。
你的伴侣有瘿to tell someone else about your latest DIY disaster, and who can blame you for feeling a little betrayed. That YouTube video made it look so easy!
但是，如果您转过身来，开始向任何愿意听的人抱怨伴侣，那么您就不会建模自己想在他们中看到的行为。
4.您希望您的伴侣在打算打开选择时对您100％忠实。
It makes no sense to play the field if you’re in a relationship with someone whom you expect to be 100% faithful to you alone.
如果您不致力于您的伴侣，他们想要与您建立独家关系，分手是一个更好的选择than just hanging onto them until someone new and exciting comes along.
5. You want your partner to be content with less than you insist on for yourself.
也许您有理由占用与他们共享的更多空间。只要您始终找到要保留的东西的地方，伴侣的空间分配不断缩小就不会打扰您。
The idea of downsizing to make more room for them feels either impossible or unfair.
但是，如果保留所有的东西比为伴侣腾出空间更重要，那么他们会收到信息：您的东西比空间更合适。
6. You want your partner to be chaste and modest while you take pleasure in mentally undressing those who are not.
Maybe you expect your partner to be a model of purity and modesty in their dress and comportment. But you’re constantly ogling people who exemplify the opposite. Your partner will likely pick up on that.
尝试说服他们，您可以珍视他们的纯洁和谦虚，您的言语与您的伴侣以及您在心理上脱衣服的任何人都无关紧要。
7. You expect your partner to keep up with housework when you do the bare minimum (or less).
你想您的partner to keep your shared living space clean because, as you see it, they have more time and opportunity to do so. You, on the other hand, are far too busy. So, you expect them to sacrifice their free time to stay on top of the mess — including yours.
But how dare they suggest you sacrifice any of您的空闲时间来帮助。
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8.当您拒绝他们时，您希望您的伴侣尊重您。
您要求他人尊重他人，但是您对包括伴侣在内的他们的行为通常是不友善的，甚至是虐待的。也许您永远不会对任何人伸出援手，但是您可以自由侮辱和未经请求的“建议”。
旋转桌子，更容易看到明显的：一个不愿意以同样尊重自己要求的对待您的伴侣是一个恶霸。
9.您希望您的伴侣取消他们的计划，以支持您的计划，但您不回报。
您在不咨询您的伴侣的情况下制定了计划，当他们告诉您他们先前的承诺时，您会感到叛逃，并希望他们取消这项承诺并选择您和您的计划。如果他们不这样做，您将其与他们反对。
Yet if the tables are turned, and you have a previous commitment when your partner would like to do something with you, you defend your right to keep that commitment.
10.您希望您的伴侣在几分钟之内对每个文本做出回应，而您倾向于花费更长的时间。
When you text your partner, if they take longer than a few minutes to reply, you’re quick to send follow-up texts asking why they haven’t responded.
然而，当他们发短信给您时，您可能需要几个小时才能回到他们身边，因为紧迫性不存在 - 除非您想尽快告诉他们一些事情。
And if they worry about you, they’re just “being paranoid” or “控制。”
11.您希望您的伴侣在嫉妒自己的守护时没有界限。
当您需要自己的时间和空间，或者您需要保持别人的信心时，您会毫不犹豫地捍卫您的个人界限。
But when it comes to your partner, you take it personally when they need独处时间或者有一个秘密，他们无法与您分享。
您的界限是关于个人自治和自爱;their对您来说，边界是他们将您推开或与您的爱一起脱颖而出的信号。
12.您希望您的伴侣在其他人期待同样的情况下冒犯时会保持一定的外观。
If you’re expecting your partner to look a certain way, but you cry foul whenever someone expects you to meet a similar ideal, that 100% qualifies as a double standard.
It doesn’t matter if you think you’re only making helpful suggestions out of genuine concern for your partner’s health and well-being.
从伴侣的角度看它，并相应地选择您的话。
13. You expect your partner to adopt your beliefs, while you would be outraged if they asked you to do the same.
如果您无法就可以使您拆散的主要问题达成共识，那么你们中的一个人都没有权利期望另一个人放弃自己的信念，而不是自己。
你将要sometimes disagree, even if you profess the same faith (or lack thereof); what matters is that you handle those disagreements with love and respect for each other.
如何在恋爱关系中处理双重标准
Once you recognize double standards in your own or your partner’s behavior, it’s time to do something about it. The following tips are a great place to start.
- Talk to your partner about double standards you’ve noticed;
- 要求您的伴侣更加了解，并停止对您的期望，他们不会做什么；
- Talk to a trusted therapist or advisor about your own double standards;
- Consider couples therapy to help you both address these in your relationship;
- Bottom line: treat each other the way you want to be treated.
现在，您可以更好地了解拥有双重标准的含义，上面描述的哪些示例让您最熟悉？你陷入了哪个？或者您在伴侣或您关心的其他人中注意到哪些？
And what will you do differently today?
