If You Tend To Ghost People, Think Again: 11 Things Ghosting Says About You

The word “hosting” is everywhere lately.

But what is it?

Essentially, ghosting is a hurtful behavior that involves cutting off communication with someone without providing any warning or explanation as to why.

It generally refers to the dating world but goes deeper than that.

If you’ve ever stopped responding in a romantic or柏拉图式关系，订购后，离开餐厅或直通车线，但在获得食物之前，或者停止出现工作或客户，那么亲爱的朋友，您是Ghoster。

What Type of Person is a Ghoster?

首先，必须说，当鬼魂残酷，这并不意味着您是一个坏人，即使这不是削减联系的最佳方法。没有什么可以说您无法从错误中学到东西，而是做出更好的选择前进。

There’s no one specific type of person that engages in ghosting. It doesn’t apply to one gender more than the other.

Anyone can have it in them to ghost someone. But there are some general personality traits attached to it. These may not all describe you specifically, but one or a few likely apply.

• Commitment issues.无论出于何种原因，致力于一个人都不是您的事。您喜欢保持您的选择开放，其他人则避开。您更喜欢休闲，低投资关系。
• Self-centered.Relationships are a two-way street. It’s okay to be clear on your wants and needs. But being overly focused on yourself and not recognizing your impact on others is a red flag.
• Secretive.A little mystery in a relationship isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it can be sexy. But you hide behind a mask and reveal very little关于你自己, even if the other person offers plenty of details about themselves.
• Passive.It’s not uncommon to avoid uncomfortable situations or hurting others, but wanting to avoid them at all costs means you’re more likely to engage in ghosting. It’s convenient and takes less time and energy.
• Fickle.人们一直在改变主意。这是人性。但是告诉某人您对他们不感兴趣，需要努力。如果您没有充分的理由改变自己的意见或感受，您将更容易幽灵。

Is Ghosting Abusive?

Perhaps the one reason that makes ghosting more acceptable is experiencing toxic or虐待关系.

Being disrespected in any way is not fun. However, unless you fear for your safety, it’s best to address the issues and tell the other person you don’t want further contact with them.

In short, unless you’re using it to escape an abusive partner, yes, ghosting is abusive.

Ghosting someone you love is:

• Painful.当您没有痕迹消失时，您会让Ghostee感到不重要，不尊重和一次性。由于大脑的相同区域被激活，造成的伤害可能像身体疼痛一样尖锐。这可能比面对面分手更痛苦。
• 许多鬼不知道如何的手le being left behind without an explanation. They feel insecure and like they’re not good enough. It can impact confidence, self-esteem, and feelings of self-worth.
• Lacking closure.不提供远离关系的原因会造成混乱。这使他们想知道什么出了什么问题，他们出了什么问题。它还阻止他们从错误中学习，以免在将来做同样的错误。
• Traumatic.突然没有解释会切断会产生新的伤口或打开旧伤口。被鬼魂可以加剧他们在焦虑，抑郁和其他心理健康领域的斗争，尤其是在Ghostee拥有的情况下existing abandonment, attachment, or mental health issues.
• Mean spirited.Whether ghosting in casual relationships, long-term ones, or friendships, your silence kills the ghostee’s spirit to enter new relationships, platonic or otherwise. It creates mistrust and traps them in the past, leaving them to wonder what they did to deserve such unkind treatment.

What Ghosting Says About You: 11 Not-So-Great Things

So you’ve ghosted someone, and you own it. Hopefully, you want to learn from your mistakes and break that pattern.

These may be difficult to hear, but understanding WHY you do it can help you learn better ways to leave a relationship respectfully that no longer serves you.

Or maybe you’ve been ghosted and are trying to make sense of it.

Either way, here are some common things that describe ghosters.

1.您担心对抗。

感觉可能凌乱而复杂。消失似乎比就为什么要结束它的不舒服的对话更容易，尤其是那些可能导致眼泪和伤害感受的对话。

By ghosting, you don’t have to deal with the repercussions, soothing bruised egos or comforting them.

But certainly, you know that pretending their feelings aren’t hurt or avoiding facing them isn’t the best way to go about it.

2. You think it’s normal.

With the rise of online dating and social media, ghosting has become somewhat of a norm. It’s familiar and popular.

It seems that the sea of potential partners is an endless one. If it doesn’t work out with one person, there are plenty more to choose from, so you stop responding to calls and texts, maybe even block them.

尽管它变得越来越普遍，但这并不是正确的事情。

3. You lack emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions and recognize, understand, and positively influence others’ emotions.

If you lack emotional intelligence, youlack empathyand have difficulty resolving conflict, communicating effectively, and taking responsibility for your actions.

What you say and do matters – for both yourself and those around you. Just because you don’t witness their hurt reaction doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

4. Your communication skills are lacking.

Perhaps you were never taught how to talk about your feelings, needs, wants, and desires. Or maybe, given the increasing trend toward online communication, your reliance on it led you to lack the skills to engage ineffective communication.

Communicating through a screen makes it harder to form bonds and generally means you can say whatever you want without facing the consequences of their heartbreak.

You might feel disconnected from the person you’re hurting, but that doesn’t make it okay.

5. You have immature relationship patterns.

Frankly, ghosting isimmature. Maybe you unintentionally learned to ghost people growing up, or perhaps it’s a defense mechanism to protect yourself.

不管您这样做的原因是什么，不负责任地不考虑对方的行为会如何看待。

This toxic pattern hurts the other person and denies you the chance at a close, meaningful connection with others.

如果您认为您可以自己克服的东西，请考虑获得专业人士的帮助。

6. You’re trying to avoid negative feelings.

It’s no secret that breaking up is hard to do whether you’re the one ending it or it’s being ended with you. It often involves pain and discomfort.

Nobody likes to feel sad, and most people don’t like to make others sad. But if you think ghosting allows you to avoid that kind ofnegative feeling, think again. If you ghost once, you’re likely to do it again. This creates a cycle that’s hard to break.

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7. You’re cowardly.

If you’rehostingsomeone, you don’t have the guts to tell them face-to-face. Not being willing to face the music is spineless and indicates insecurities on your part.

Harsh? Maybe. True? Definitely.

而不是您不再对与之建立关系感兴趣的人，而是尊重他们的联系，尽可能肤浅，并为他们提供封闭。找到勇于正确拒绝对方的勇气。

8. You’re disrespectful.

Ghosting someone you claim to care about is insensitive and plain rude. You’re actively inflicting pain on another person.

Maybe you were only in it to get something out of it, and when you do, you split without so much as a goodbye. Think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed. Wouldn’t you prefer the other person to respect you enough to tell you why they didn’t want you in their life anymore?

9. You have an avoidant attachment style.

Your attachment style is quite telling when it comes to relationships. If you tend to shy away from emotional closeness, yours might be the avoidant type.

Maybe you have commitment issues and aren’t ready or willing to settle down. That’s completely okay. But ghosting is not.

Intimacy can be scary, but that’s not an excuse to ghost someone. At least, it’s not a good excuse.

10. You have a fixed mindset.

People either have agrowth mindsetor a fixed mindset. When it comes to relationships, those with a growth mindset believe that good, lasting relationships require effort to work through inevitable differences.

他们不会责怪伴侣的性格问题，也不希望这种关系一直感到神奇。

If you have a fixed mindset, on the other hand, you likely believe it’s meant to be, or it’s not. You probably don’t believe that relationships take work or that you and your partner can learn how to love each other with good communication and work.

您相信命运，这不是您的，因此您希望逃脱而不是试图使它变得更好。

11. It’s a power play.

幽灵的人会觉得自己占上风，甚至可能灌输对您的自豪感。您害怕被拒绝，因此在他们对您做之前，您会拒绝他们。

This is a sign of insecurity. Ghosting may create a false sense of security and may provide temporary feelings of superiority, but this shameful act doesn’t make you better than others. Instead, it’s a vicious cycle that hurts everyone involved.

Next time you consider ghosting someone, pause and take a moment to put yourself in their shoes. Consider their feelings and the lingering effects of having someone vanish from your life.

Do some self-discovery work to figure out why you want to ghost them. Then, find a more mature way to sever the relationship.