They’re maintaining eye-contact and nodding slightly now and then. But are they really listening? Do they understand what you’re saying? Do they even care?
This person is atextbookpassivelistener．You’re getting no real feedback from them.
If you’ve ever asked the question, “Why is active listening so important?” it’s “conversations” like this one that answers it.
You want more than a sounding board. You want real engagement.
So, what doesactive listeninglook like? And is it always better?
Active Vs. Passive Listening
What are the main differences between active listening and passive listening?
- Activelisteningis best for two-way communication, whereas passive listening is best for one-way communication.
- Active listeners react to what they’re hearing — with nonverbal cues, paraphrasing or repetition, and questions; passive listeners do not react.
- Active listening requires full attention and an effort to clarify and understand; passive listening requires little (if any) effort.
- Active listeners analyze what they’re hearing and summarize or paraphrase it to ensure they understand; passive listeners merely listen.
Differences aside, how do you practice active listening when the occasion requires it? And how can you encourage your conversation partners to do the same?
What is Passive Listening?
The passive listener doesn’t have a part in thecommunication．他们的角色就是倾听。这是理想的佛r situations wherea speaker addresses a group of people or when the listener is enjoying music on the radio, a podcast, or theater production.
It’s not ideal, though, for situations where the one speaking would like some feedback — or at least some proof that the listener is paying attention and making an effort to understand.
- Heart-to-heart conversations
- Doctor-patient conversations
- Therapist-client conversations
- Employer-employee conversations
In some cases, the speaker may only want a sounding board, in which case passive listening is all they want. But most people prefer a two-way conversation.
Passive Listening Examples
We’re all passive listeners sometimes. Here are some notable examples of when it makes sense to be one:
- Listening to an audio recording or live audio— podcast,audiobook, music album, radio, Spotify playlists, etc.
- Listening to a speaker— giving a presentation, addressing concerns at a meeting, or providing information and insight at a conference or convention
- Watching a recorded or live performance— movies, TV show, theater productions, Broadway plays, opera, concert, etc.
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What is Active Listening?
Active listening involves more effort than passive listening. The goal is to fully understand what the other person is saying, to avoid misunderstandings and erroneous assumptions. You do this by means of the following:
- Showingattention through encouragingbody languageand nonverbal cues.
- Reflecting on and analyzingthe other’s words to determine what needs clarifying.
- Attending to the other’s nonverbal cuesto pick up on what they’re not saying.
- Repeatingthe other’s words or phrases to ensure you heard correctly or to ask for clarification.
- Paraphrasing— expressing what you’ve heard in your own words to ensure you understand.
- Askingrelevant questions to seek clarification.
- Summarizingwhat the other has said.
- Putting yourself in the other’s shoesto better understand their perspective.
To practice active listening, it’s also important to know whatnotto do in aconversation:
- Do not interruptwhat the other is saying — either to finish the other’s sentence or to argue a point.
- Do not use impatient, dismissive, or closed body language: exaggerated sighs, eye-rolls, shoulder shrugs, glancing at the clock frequently, shaking your head, etc.
- Do not “pretend listen”withfakeor exaggerated body language. It’s transparent and off-putting.
- Do not tune them outto think about what you want to say next or how you’re going to refute one of the points they’re trying to make.
- Do not offer adviceunless the other person asks for it.
- Do not make it about you.No hijacking the conversation to make yourself the center of attention. Even if the other person is talking about you, focus on them.
Ideally, whenever two people are talking to each other, both are active listeners. Both give evidence of their full attention and desire to understand, as well as possible, what the other is saying.
一个侦听器可能是更多的活性e than the other, especially if one is distracted or wants to talk about something else. But the best conversations are those where both people are fully engaged. Andactive listeningis the best way to ensure that.
Active Listening Examples
The better we get at active listening, the more we practice it. Here are some examples of situations where active listening is critical to the success of the conversation:
- A counselor/therapist listening to their client— Active listening is a more efficient way to reach a better understanding of the client than simply listening and taking notes.
- A parent listening to their child— Especially when the topic is sensitive, parents should always strive to understand their children and model the kind of listening they want them to learn.
- Couples listening to each other— Any loving relationship becomes healthier when both partners practice active listening with each other. Neither should be a mute sounding board or emotional sponge for the other.
- A doctor listening to a patient— Doctors and all medical professionals who meet with patients- should practice active listening whenever possible to understand what the other is trying to communicate and avoid misdiagnosis.
- An employer or manager listening to an employee— In any professional environment, those in leadership positions should commit to practicing active listening whenever an employee needs their attention. And vice-versa.
How will you use active listening and passive listening?
Now that you know the differences between active listening and passive listening, you know better than to say that active listening isalwayssuperior. But you’re also better equipped to practice active listening in one-on-one conversations.
Think about moments where you grew frustrated with passive listeners or with those who pretended to listen but were only listening for points they could argue with.
You deserve better. So do all the people in your life whoneed a good listener．May you always be the listener they need. And may you find the same for yourself.
